Hospital Trip #1

I am and always have been a poor drinker.  Not in the ways of alcohol, but in the ways of 8 glasses a day.  Yesterday, I felt a little woozy first thing at work.  I took my pulse and it was 120.  I drank some water and felt somewhat better.  However, my brain seemed a bit scrambled and I still felt a little wacko.  Well, a little more than normal, so I went home after half a day.

At about 4:15 I decided to be a responsible adult and checked with my doctor who promptly told me to go have it checked at the emergency room.  I suppose I should have anticipated that response, but it caught me off guard.  So, as soon as he got home, Joe took me to the hospital.  It was the first time I had ever gone to the emergency room.  They took me up to labor and delivery in the most uncomfortable wheelchair known to man.

They put me in a triage room behind curtain #1 and hooked me up to about 57 machines.  The Wee Baby Seamus did not appreciate the fetal monitor belt thing and began to kick up a storm.  They got us both nominally comfortable and then we waited.  As we waited, we had a bit of entertainment from the patient behind curtain #2.   

She explained that she did not know her due date because she wasn't sure of her last period.  She was sure it was over before she'd gotten out of jail.  She was having contractions about every 3 minutes and we got to hear some cussing.  We also learned that she was on baby #6 and that the baby's daddy had cheated on her but he was the last dude she'd had sex with.  She was mad because the nurses and doctors couldn't tell her what her exact due date was and she might be at 6 months or she might be at nine months.  She also wouldn't commit to a doctor's appointment in a week because she might not be able to make it.

Not long after the monitors got strapped to me, the med student came and added a heart monitor and listened to my heart a bit.  Then the resident came and told me they were gonna give me fluids.  I got my first IV.

My first IV.

They then hosed the first bag into me in about 4 seconds.  At about 8 seconds, I had to pee.  Shocking.  I am pretty sure the dude carrying the pizza down the hall saw more of me than I had ever thought to share with a dude carrying a pizza down a hall.

Shortly after the nurse got me repositioned so they could again monitor Seamus and myself, the resident came in and asked if had felt or was aware of the contractions I had been having.  I informed her that I was not aware.

So, I got to experience a speculum.  That was definitely not on my to-do list yesterday.  About halfway through that fun, Joe informed me that "There's a party in your crotch."  Giggling while having a vaginal exam was also not on the list.

They fed me some cheese and grapes and started another bag of fluids before deciding that everything was completely fine.  They told me to increase my liquid intake and  I did get one major restriction.  No more caffeine.  That will really improve my mood here for the third trimester.

Things I Learned:
Wheelchairs are not built for short people.
Hospital gowns are pretty pointless.
You feel 18 gauge needles go into your arm.
Annoying roommates get you $5 gift certificates for food.
Humor is lost on doctors.