Serious Relationships - Part I

Serious Relationships are complicated, time-consuming, and ultimately very rewarding if you can find the right mix for the parties involved.

All through my school years, I had no serious relationships.

I was awkward.

It wasn't until after college that I stumbled into my first one, and it isn't what your thinking.

I think everyone knows what a husband is. 

I have one.  He's nice.  More on him some other day. 

The first serious relationship I found myself in was with my then roommate, Leslie.

We met when I moved to Pekin to start working at the local multi-plex.  She was a box office cashier and I was the new manager.  I didn't know anyone in town and the first few weeks were pretty quiet.

One night I was at home in my little house finishing the unpacking when the phone rang.  Someone asked if they had reached Karen Shlammalslddkjf.  I was used to having my last name butchered.  At that time, my last name was Schmalshof (pronounced small-soff).  I assumed it was a telemarketer and promptly hung up.  A minute or two later the phone rang again and I could hear chuckling and goofing off in the background, but no one was talking to me.  I assumed it was a prank call and hung up.

It was Leslie and a few of her friends being dorks or jerks or just killing time.

There isn't much to do in Pekin.

I wasn't too long after the prank call that we started hanging out.

About a year after I started working there, Leslie's mom, Kathy, decided she wanted to be a landlord.  Leslie and I helped her find a house we could move in to along with two other employees of the theater.

We lived there for about three years with several different roommates.

Not everyone who lives together for three years become hetero-lifemates.  Sometimes living together is the quickest way to end a serious relationship. 

I find that the most important foundation in any Serious Relationship is entertainment.  If your significant other does not entertain you, your union is doomed.  Leslie and I definitely entertain each other.  Sometimes in very strange ways.

While we were both still working at the theater, I masterminded an elaborate practical joke on Leslie.

There isn't much to do in Pekin.

A few of our friends that worked at the theater and I worked out all the details one slow Sunday evening.  It was something to pass the time.

We were going to tell her that Orlando Bloom was doing a press tour later that summer and that one of the stops was in Peoria.  In addition, we were going to tell her that his cousin was in the Army with my high school friend and had found out that I lived near Peoria.  Finally, we were going to tell her that Orlando did not like hotels and that he was going to stay with me overnight.



This story had lots of holes and we were just killing time at work.  I wasn't going to start the joke.  Mostly because I can't keep a straight face very well.  I didn't think anyone else was going to start the joke, either.

I was wrong.

That evening we were having drinks after work.  I had to close.  When I got to the party, Leslie had been told the story.  She was skeptical.  I clinched it by telling her I had just gotten word that Orlando would be staying for two nights and not just one like I had originally been told.

She was thrilled and started telling everyone she knew that she was going to meet Orlando Bloom.  It was an epic joke.  We let it go for over a month.  Maybe two.  Finally, one of my co-conspirators cracked while drinking.

We drank a lot back then.

We still have our moments.

Leslie was not amused.

At first.

Ok, she is still not amused, but she still loves me and my evil sense of humor.